a big beautiful mess

Posts in category The Feels

Getting Good

Getting Good

It’s funny how mile markers make a difference. I teach Spanish to four-year-olds at the Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh. When I started this job a year ago, and even four, five, six months in, I had Imposter Syndrome like the dickens. My Spanish wasn’t good enough, I sucked at marketing, I didn’t know how to […]

A brief history of my relationship with Orange.

A brief history of my relationship with Orange.

It started with a skirt that I bought cheap when I was in Russia. It had gotten hot all of a sudden, and I didn’t have any hot-weather clothes. The skirt was short, and cute, and it wasn’t like anything that I would ever buy back in the States, I told myself, because, most importantly, […]

Autumn

Autumn

The weather in Pittsburgh may not show it, but Autumn is on its way. I can tell in subtle ways — a certain crunching underfoot as I walk to work on a sweaty-hot afternoon; a certain burnished shade to the treetops. And in not-so-subtle ways — the number of languages I hear walking down Craig […]

Marriage

Marriage

As I contemplate marriage to my beloved RZ, a dozen conflicting desires and considerations vie for my attention. Am I ready for the sacrifice of marriage and, eventually, motherhood? Am I willing to take on the shift in social perception and expectations? Will he accept that I may never remember to turn off the bathroom […]

Improbable Landscape

Improbable Landscape

So I’m sitting here in a coffee shop on the Disneyland-polished end of Pittsburgh’s hippest street, trying to think of clever uses for the phrase “mimetic desire,” powering through a laundry list of super grown-up things such as 1) Get my car inspected and 2) Draw up a lease agreement in which I am on […]