a big beautiful mess

October in Search of a Story

Today is the first day of OctInSeSt, October In Search of a Story, my month of warming up for NaNoWriMo. Won’t you join me in search of a story worth telling?

This is what I wrote today.


 

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

She stared at the computer screen without blinking. Words and mindless admonitions to seize the day and pithy but vacant encouragements banged against the inside of her head with a throbbing pulse.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Fuck that shit.

She shut the laptop and watched as the blinking blue lights blinked more slowly, then died. She looked at her reflection in the dark window beside her desk. She looked haggard. Haggard, she thought, was a good word to use when you felt like this. Or ragged. She looked ragged. Her face looked ragged.

After what felt like a year, she stood up. She walked to the bedroom. She sat down on the edge of the bed. She rubbed his ragged face, then stood up again, and walked to the little hallway of a kitchen in her one bedroom apartment. A real person apartment, she had thought, when she signed the lease. The grown up lease. The lease that was now becoming harder and harder to pay the rent on. The lease that she had pulled out from her rickety little filing cabinet more than once to re-read the section on late payments and the penalties thereof. Also the section on the forbidden nature of roommates and subleases.

Grown up. Sure.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

But what is a first day, anyway? What even is a beginning? And what the fuck is a life? How am I supposed to begin something when I don’t even know what it is? And even if I had an inkling of what a life was, I wouldn’t even begin to know what my life is. Or what I want it to be.

She walked back to the computer desk by the window in the living room, and opened her laptop. She waited patiently for the wifi to take and the google doc to reload. She emphatically deleted the phrase Today is the first day of the rest of your life and typed,

Today is the first day of the rest of your search for an inkling of an idea of what you might want your life to look like.

That felt a little better. She went back to the kitchen and put the kettle on for coffee.


 

OctInSeSt 1

No Comments Yet

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>