a big beautiful mess

thoughts on the night

The light situation has gotten to the point that it’s started to really affect me. When my first class ended at 10 am on Monday, I went outside to walk to the cafeteria for a mid-morning snack, and this is what it looked like:

I’ve started to develop some strategies for coping with the darkness, especially with the mornings. Getting up in time for class is hard enough as it is, without the crushing darkness peering in at me through my window, so I close my curtains at night now. That way, when I get up in the morning, I can’t see how dark it is outside. Elena seemed surprised that I wouldn’t want the light from the streetlamp outside my window, but I think that would actually just make it worse. I also try to turn on a light as soon as the alarm goes off, even if I’m going to hit snooze a couple of times, to get my body used to the idea that it’s time to wake up.

I’ve also gone back to showering at night, which partly makes me just feel more like myself, and partly reduces the amount of time it takes me to get ready in the morning, so I can sleep in a little bit. When I do leave the house and start heading to class, on the days that I have to get there for first or second period, it’s still pitch black when I leave. I imagine to myself that there’s some sort of secret purpose that has me up before the dawn, that some mystery must be solved, or espionage avoided, or magic portal discovered before it disappears in the sunlight. This keeps me occupied until I get to class. I also try to take note of the air. No matter how warm and cozy and bright it is in my room, there’s something about the fresh air that makes me feel a little more alive.


  1. 7 December 2011    

    Good idea about the curtains – I think that’s what I’ll do too.

  2. 7 December 2011    

    Keep your mind at work on it. Just two more weeks and you will be in sunny Pittsburgh! By the time you return, you will have passed the solstice and each day you will have more light. I know, seems like a tiny victory–a few seconds then minutes of light–but it happens *every day.* Talk about something to look forward to!

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